Since moving into our new home, we’ve gotten somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-30 calls from some anonymous recorded message. The message goes something like this:

Please call . This is not a sales call. This is an important business matter. Again, please call .

Now, I didn’t know who this was, but as we have never given out our home number to anyone except our immediate family, I knew whoever it was could have no business with us. The home phone is exclusively used for the purpose of maintaining our DSL line, and even our closest friends just use our cell phones. So I tried to ignore the calls, hoping they would go away.

After about 15 or so of these calls I finally decided to call the number and ask them to stop. At this point I still had no idea who could be behind all this.

Ring. Ahhhh… AOL. That explains a lot. I’ve heard horror stories about AOL.

I was already hot under the collar for the number of times that they’ve called. So when I got a “please hold” message, you can imagine how happy that made me. Fortunately they didn’t make me wait too long on hold, and someone came on to “assist” me. She asked for my home phone number, which I provided (apparently they don’t have caller id), and then, in the most thick and unintelligible Indian accent I have ever heard, asked if I was a person whose name I could not understand. I replied that I was not. She then proceeded to ask me for my mailing address. Now, at this point I wasn’t certain who I was talking to. For all I knew, it may have been some scam artist in Nigeria. So at this point not only was I defensive, I had also become suspicious. I replied that she did not need my address, and obviously they already had my phone number, and that because I had no business with AOL, please stop calling me! Click.

Naturally that didn’t work.

The calls stopped for a day or so, and then started up in earnest. It was as if they had flipped the harassment machine into high gear. And they even started mixing in a different message, as if that would fool me into calling again. Altogether we got another 5 or so calls between my first contact with them and when I called the second time.

Second time around I was quite nicer. Someone came on who could speak English, and I sweetly explained that I would like them to stop calling us. She asked for my phone number, which I provided again, and if I was Trevor So-and-so, which I replied that I was not. This time she did not ask for my address. She said that she was sorry and that she had taken our number off the list. Success!

Not. They kept calling. After several more calls, I became very pissed. Repeat step 2. This was the third time I’ve called.

More calls. Fourth time. I have had enough. I’ve decided to stop erasing the messages from the machine and just let them accumulate. Evidence. This morning is my fourth time calling, and I am not in a good mood. I get someone with basic Indian English skills.

“I’ve gotten many calls from AOL and I think there is some mistake.”

“Is your name Trevor So-and-so?”

“No, I do not know who that is. Please stop calling me.”

“Sir, we’ve taken your name off our calling list.”

“Yes, that’s what they said the past three times I’ve called. I don’t believe you. Give me some assurance…”

“Click.” Yes, she hung up on me. On ME! On the person whom they have been harassing for the past month. Bugger.

I called back immediately, and got the same person. She hung up again as soon as I identified myself. I called back again. She hung up again. I was going to keep calling back until they begged for mercy.

Finally on the seventh call I got someone different. I explained the situation again (and nicely enough, I think). She looked up my number, and asked if I was Trevor So-and-so. Sigh. No, I swear to you I am not. (Now obviously, since she was able to pull up my phone number and ask if I was that person, the other lady had lied that my name was off their list.) She promised to take my name off the list. Please, please let that be true.

Harassing former customers (whether a case of mistaken identity or not) is certainly not a way to build genuine loyalty. Sadly, I deal regularly with companies like AOL who see me as an annoyance to be gotten rid of as soon as they’ve taken my money.

This may not be the end of AOL for us. I sincerely hope that someday AOL might come to understand that their customers are their ally, not their enemy.